No longer in pieces
For the last several weeks, my sisters and I had been making plans for a trip to Seattle to see our mom, who recently suffered a really bad fall and month-long recovery and rehabilitation. In the midst of the phone calls and updates and last-minute travel (for my youngest sister), we realized that we've not spent enough time together -- that is, just us sisters, free of emergency visits and drama. And while being with sisters is always good for a no-holds-barred reality check, it's also valuable to get the insight that only a sister can provide.
And for me, it was timely. I celebrated my 44th birthday almost 2 weeks ago and I did it quietly because it's the first birthday I've struggled with a little bit. It's not the numbers that bother me, it's the fact that the last few years have been difficult. I'm so grateful for all of you for reading the non-knitting bits here on my blog as I've used it to work through some of my thoughts. It's your comments and emails that have kept me going as I uncover old photos and history. As I dealt with some of the missing pieces, I realized that I was a little bit in pieces myself and that's not like me. I would rather have a long-term vision and a plan in place. My daily path doesn't have to be linear, but the vision is what keeps me anchored. And for the last few years, I've not had that. Or . . . perhaps have had too many. That is, I've been listening to what others have told me my vision should be and I've been distracted by too many choices and opportunities. No more.
This weekend gave me what I needed. The effort in getting to Seattle was monumental but I'm glad we all made it happen. Once or twice I was confronted with the internal question of what I'm here to do -- in the existential sense. I've always known that I've got the potential to do any number of things and I have so many wonderful people to encourage me no matter what path I'm on, but I didn't have that growing up. I had to rely on books and a lot of reading to help me choose the right attitude, how to make goals and how to achieve them. And you know what? I don't need to read any more books about those things. It's time for me to write one.
Comments
I'll read your book!
Funny, my sister in Tacoma is coming here later this week, it will have been five years since all 4 sisters have been together. I've really been feeling the need to be connected to them - like you, without emergency visits and drama.
I hope you have a wonderful time together!
Posted by: happybuela | June 16, 2008 12:00 PM
This was the 1st annual reunion!! It hurt my heart to see you go, but made my heart happy to see you, and how important we do this annually!!!
Posted by: Jayne | June 16, 2008 02:05 PM
Good for you for deciding to plough your own furrow.
Posted by: PrincessPea | June 16, 2008 02:09 PM
your attitude is so empowering and inspirational. i can definitely relate to the words you write - even down to the reality that being with sisters brings about.
I would definitely read your book. Signed copy? :)
Posted by: lolly | June 16, 2008 02:14 PM
I'm glad you've found your path. Maybe there's hope for the rest of us.
Posted by: Kim | June 16, 2008 02:40 PM
Oh, I'd read your book. I'm glad all sisters could unite in Seattle.
Posted by: Debbie | June 16, 2008 03:58 PM
finding your way..well..sometimes the path is right in front of you...begin writing..I'll read it!
Posted by: Theresa / t does wool | June 16, 2008 04:24 PM
Glad to hear that your trip went well. I am still working on you know what and I will be contacting you soon. Lots of love.
Posted by: Lisa | June 16, 2008 04:33 PM
Oh, wow! I'm so glad that your time with your sisters allowed you to make some decisions and enjoy your time with them. Sisters are so important. Best of luck with your new endeavor.
Posted by: kim | June 16, 2008 05:26 PM
It's a relief that you nailed down your personal path(am still searching!). Putting it down into words in book will be so incredible!
Posted by: lucy | June 16, 2008 05:34 PM
Woohoo!!! That is very exciting!!!
Posted by: Vanessa | June 16, 2008 06:09 PM
Belated happy birthday! Hopefully your mom is much improved? I think you would write a very wise book indeed. :)
Posted by: Chris | June 16, 2008 06:35 PM
I ask myself the same thing all the time. Waiting to have that bolt of lightening to hit me with my purpose. I'm thrilled to be doing what I'm doing now, but I have that feeling or pull that there's something else I'm supposed to do too.
Happy Belated Birthday!
Lisa
Posted by: Lisa | June 16, 2008 09:04 PM
No you don't.
Write!
Excellent!
Can't wait to hear more!
Glad to hear you had a great trip!!
Posted by: D a r i n | June 16, 2008 09:12 PM
Oh my gosh! I am thrilled to hear about you going to write a book!
I hope your mother recovers/heals very soon!
Happy Belated my friend!
Posted by: Stacey_CrimsonPurl | June 16, 2008 09:25 PM
I am so glad you have found what you are meant to do. And happy belated birthday too! xx
Posted by: Lin | June 17, 2008 01:37 AM
Happy b'day! (I'm right behind you.) I look forward to reading whatever you write - I understand what you're saying but everything I try to express comes out sounding like a Ghandi quote. :o)
Posted by: elizabeth | June 17, 2008 09:51 AM
Sounds like you had a really good visit in Seattle. I'm so glad for you. Finding ones own path is a difficult thing. I'm still working on it. Good luck.
Posted by: Sallie | June 17, 2008 11:24 AM
I'd definitely read you book. So get on to it girl and write your heart out. :)
Posted by: Jennie | June 18, 2008 12:02 AM
Wow Janet--your post was so inspirational, you go woman!!!
Posted by: Heather | June 20, 2008 07:30 AM
I have a sister and we are close so I know how good it is to just do 'sister things'. The process of discovery is so hard, but always good in the end because it shapes your personality and who you are. I turned 46 in November and that was a hard birthday for me...you know...over 45...check off a different box on surveys etc :)
Posted by: Raina | June 20, 2008 08:31 AM
I'm so glad for you Janet.
Posted by: stacey | June 22, 2008 07:53 PM
Beautiful thoughts and ideas coming together, blending, connecting, becoming one.
I will definitely read your book!
x
Posted by: Nora | June 25, 2008 03:34 AM
hope your mother is doing well, janet.
i am SO behind on most of my reading, but always love to come and read what you have written. carry on, young lady!!!! :)
Posted by: leslie | July 5, 2008 11:26 AM
I agreed with you
Posted by: InCitmig | August 10, 2008 12:28 AM
i am very late reading this entry. First of all, how is your Mom? I hope that her recovery has been good and strong. And how wonderful that you visited with your sisters. Now, about your book; are you working on it? You have so many beautiful and profound thoughts that anything - and everything - that you write will be fantastic. I'd like to hear more about it, but i know that you're busy. In fact, don't bother to reply to all these messages that i'm leaving. I'm just finally getting caught up with my friends lives....
hugs and love!
Posted by: wynne | September 21, 2008 09:25 PM