Kyuuto! Japanese Crafts!: Lacy Crochet
I haven't had much of an opportunity to do much of anything, much less knit or crochet, although I think about it all the time. One of the things I want time to do more of is thread crochet. Kyuuto! Japanese Crafts!: Lacy Crochet is an excellent source for thread crochet patterns that go beyond doilies and into functional and useful accessories. My friend Chica in Japan saw what I was up to and sent a care package that included another Japanese crochet book, some Japanese yarn, accessories, and edible goodies.
I was able to try out some of the yarn she sent to make a simple tawashi - tawashi are basically Japanese "scrubbies." It was enough of a project to help me feel slightly more relaxed and less anxious - focused on what was right in front of me instead of things that haven't even happened yet.
Through the force of sheer will, I've been trying to decrease the anxious feelings I've been having for the past several months. I'm finally acknowledging that I probably need to check with my doctor about some of what I'm experiencing, so thank you to those of you who've gently reminded me to do so. Part of what I'm panicky and anxious about is the fact that my dad (currently in a nursing home in Washington state) is in the final stages of Alzheimer's and we've had to make some decisions regarding next steps. I'm conflicted about so many things because of geographical distance and my plans to either travel at all, travel alone, or travel with my family. Then there are the decisions regarding how much to share with my younger children and whether their going along would be upsetting to them in any way.
For those of you who've gone through this process and care to comment, please know that although your comments are welcome and appreciated, I'm a wee bit fragile right now. This is a process that could take weeks or months for my dad and I'm already dealing with some negativity from others about some of the things I'm considering with regard to travel and timing. I have peace about my dad and awesome memories of him -- his creativity and sense of humor, his love of gardening, the joy he got from fishing, and how much he loved all the stray cats he was forced to adopt. There's so much more of course - but those things immediately come to mind. I wish I knew whether he was disappointed he only had four daughters and no sons. I wish I could ask him about his childhood and about his parents and grandparents. I wish I could tell him one more time that he had the most beautiful handwriting I've ever seen.
But you know what? I had a dream about him last night and in it, he was jovial and happy. He was getting ready to do yard work. He was just as I wanted to see him. Selfishly, I don't know that I want the images of how he is now to replace the ones I have or the man I see in photos like this one:
I assume my mom took this photo because she was in other photos taken by him on the same day. I love his wistful look and the jaunty air he had about him. At 22 years old, he had his whole life ahead of him and I truly believe that sixty years later, he would say he's had a good ride.