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Lacy crochet and the state of things

Allhemp 3 Sprout Green Crochet Lacy Flower
Kyuuto! Japanese Crafts!: Lacy Crochet

I haven't had much of an opportunity to do much of anything, much less knit or crochet, although I think about it all the time. One of the things I want time to do more of is thread crochet. Kyuuto! Japanese Crafts!: Lacy Crochet is an excellent source for thread crochet patterns that go beyond doilies and into functional and useful accessories. My friend Chica in Japan saw what I was up to and sent a care package that included another Japanese crochet book, some Japanese yarn, accessories, and edible goodies.

Care Package from Chica

I was able to try out some of the yarn she sent to make a simple tawashi - tawashi are basically Japanese "scrubbies." It was enough of a project to help me feel slightly more relaxed and less anxious - focused on what was right in front of me instead of things that haven't even happened yet.

Through the force of sheer will, I've been trying to decrease the anxious feelings I've been having for the past several months. I'm finally acknowledging that I probably need to check with my doctor about some of what I'm experiencing, so thank you to those of you who've gently reminded me to do so. Part of what I'm panicky and anxious about is the fact that my dad (currently in a nursing home in Washington state) is in the final stages of Alzheimer's and we've had to make some decisions regarding next steps. I'm conflicted about so many things because of geographical distance and my plans to either travel at all, travel alone, or travel with my family. Then there are the decisions regarding how much to share with my younger children and whether their going along would be upsetting to them in any way.

For those of you who've gone through this process and care to comment, please know that although your comments are welcome and appreciated, I'm a wee bit fragile right now. This is a process that could take weeks or months for my dad and I'm already dealing with some negativity from others about some of the things I'm considering with regard to travel and timing. I have peace about my dad and awesome memories of him -- his creativity and sense of humor, his love of gardening, the joy he got from fishing, and how much he loved all the stray cats he was forced to adopt. There's so much more of course - but those things immediately come to mind. I wish I knew whether he was disappointed he only had four daughters and no sons. I wish I could ask him about his childhood and about his parents and grandparents. I wish I could tell him one more time that he had the most beautiful handwriting I've ever seen.

But you know what? I had a dream about him last night and in it, he was jovial and happy. He was getting ready to do yard work. He was just as I wanted to see him. Selfishly, I don't know that I want the images of how he is now to replace the ones I have or the man I see in photos like this one:

My Dad the Airman - in Japan, 1949

I assume my mom took this photo because she was in other photos taken by him on the same day. I love his wistful look and the jaunty air he had about him. At 22 years old, he had his whole life ahead of him and I truly believe that sixty years later, he would say he's had a good ride.

Comments

Lovely care package.

I know what you mean about your dad, sometimes I wish I didn't have the memories of when he was sick, and couldn't speak (or be understood) but I'm also glad I had that time with him too, and photos and other memories to look back on.

In the end, I think you have to do what is right for you, while taking into account feelings or thoughts of loved ones as much as you are able - but you have to have peace with yourself overall. So I wish you peace with your decision making processes and outcomes.

OOh I am so sorry to hear about your father...it is hard as my grandfather went thru the same thing.

Continue to stay strong and hope the pretty crocheting helps during this time.

I'm so sorry that you're going through such sad and difficult times. Wishing you peace. x

This is a lot of sadness to go through, and I don't think there is anyway to take a shortcut through it. You do what you have to do; you do it the best way you can find to do it. You know what is in your heart and you have to assume that your dad did too when he was able to. Janet, this too will pass. I'll be thinking of you.

wishing you peace,yes...Janet through the difficulties of life...hugs and a prayer from me xx

hugs to you my friend. Will e-mail you.

Just...I'm sorry. Am going through something similar, and I know it's tough. Hang in there.

Warm hugs...I wish you peace of mind and the strength to make the difficult decisions.

((hugs)) I have watched (from a distance) both my grandfather and grandfather-in-law go through these final stages of Alzheimers. My advice or thoughts on the subject are coming from a position where I have watched others deal with it closer in. Love him the best way you know how, and give him the grace to be who he is in this moment. Do the same for yourself. Neither one of these (who you are or who he is) may be what you want, but don't deny the truth of the situation. I don't even know if this makes sense.
Love you.

Oh golly Janet, we are in the same exact boat. Our dads are exactly the same age (82) and in the same situation. My advice is to not be too hard on yourself, know that you have been good to your dad, and that part of caring for someone in that situation is letting go and have professionals care for him. xoxoxo Heather

Just wanted to say that I'm sending good thoughts your way.

Glad I could send something to do good for you. I believe in the magic of sweets and the magic of craft.
You were at my side when I went through my Mom's situation, via e-mails and blog comments. I'll be forever thankful to that.

I have great memories of your Dad and I love the photo you posted here. Chokes me up. Sending good thoughts of power and strength. Stay strong, Janet...Stay strong.

That is a wonderful photo of your father. I'm sorry that your family is going through this. My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's too and while he still has mainly good days, I miss his outgoing nature.

I feel for you. I have watched a most beloved mother-in-law fall away, albeit at a distance, and it is very hard. Your decisions, whatever they may be, will be right for you.

Thinking of you sweet gal. So much to say to you, yet I won't do it here.
I'll email soon. xx

{{{{you}}}}

What hard decisions you have had to make. Hugs to you. xx

Happy Anniversary Janet!

Dear Janet,

More offline but I'm not sure I ever mentioned a conversation Dad and I had on the plane in that mad rush to move him to Washington.

As he gazed out the window (his first flight in almost 40 years), he told me the story of his "4 beautiful Japanese daughters" with such joy and affection in his voice and the nicest ethereal smile on his face...

(morah)

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, and about the anxiety you're experiencing. It's something I've struggled with for much of my life. I hope you feel better soon. X

Will talk to you later, but remember Dad is happy in his world now, and his daughters are the ones in mourning for our Dad that once was. Can you make me a Japanese "scrubbie!"
I am wrapping my arms around you with a super big hug!!

That is a gorgeous crochet pic!!

So sorry about your dad. We have some friends going through the same thing right now. That cannot be easy, hang in there, one day at a time.

Janet, honestly do you think that Dad could look at you four incredibly gorgeous women, who are as beautiful on the outside as in, and be disappointed? I know that he is so proud of you all and that he loves you all from the innermost depth of his heart.
Very tough times for you all, but listen to your heart and you'll *know* what's right. Don't second guess your heart and your instinct. You have really beautiful memories and they are a part of who you are.
I'm thinking of you and sending you peace, strength and love.
hugs and love....

Oh Janet, I am wishing you strength.

Janet, I feel compelled to delurk because I know how hard these times are for everybody. This is a very long goodbye, and it is very tough on everybody. When my mother died, my first child was a little over two, and he was with us most of the time, though at the worst moments he only came into his grandma's room for a few minutes, to kiss her and have me read a story at her bedsideĀ ; I think it helped him understand why we were so unhappy, and it prepared him for the final parting. You will be strong enough, because you have no other option, and whatever you do will be right. But do take care of yourself, for your own sake as well as for your family's. Hugs.