I’m starting this post a bit unsure whether I’m even going to publish it, but I really feel like I have to write it — if for no other reason than to have something to re-read when I’m feeling anxious about a choice.
Before I get to all that, I have to tell you — I got a Kindle Fire for Christmas and I absolutely love it. The screen shot above was taken with my cell phone while I was sampling a magazine. I still have my original Kindle and won’t part with it, because it’s still ideal for me when I want to log several hours reading straight text. I wanted the Fire for cookbooks, knitting books, magazines and knitting patterns. I wasn’t sure I would try the apps, watch videos or use it to go online. But I was excited that I would get to listen to the music I had purchased from Amazon and I’ve used that feature a lot. Battery power is amazing — I watched an entire season of Downton Abbey yesterday and didn’t need to charge it until the final episode. So now, not only do I have all my books at my fingertips, I also have music, videos, magazines and personal documents. I still tend to rarely use the apps (not its strong point) with the exception of Evernote — which I use as a reference, and not to generate new notes. I could go on and on about it and probably will — another day.
2011 caused a bit of a tailspin for me and I was determined going in to 2012 that I would never have a repeat of most of those 365 days if I had anything to say about it. Throughout the year, I tried to focus on the good things in my midst and in looking, I usually found them in abundance. But the lingering feeling was that so much was happening that was out of my control and all I could do was react and adapt. Often, I did it without much grace, but I did it. I survived 2011. But I wanted to start 2012 from a position of more control and peace, and began to see ways in which I was undermining my sense of control — habits that I’d acquired that directly impacted my sense of inner peace.
It’s all about input. It’s about what I set before myself. What I put IN directly affects what comes out. I’ll back up by saying that I do tend to enjoy a good conflict, a conspiracy theory, a great debate. But for this illustration, let’s focus JUST on what’s online for a moment. There are a handful of blogs that I read (not listed in my sidebar because I don’t visit them often and you’re about to find out why) for “trainwreck” value. They aren’t people I know or have met in real life — or even want to know! But I suppose I read them for a sense of relief that I don’t have it quite as bad as they do. On the other hand, I read some excellent blogs written by people I admire, have met, see regularly, or if I don’t know them personally, I really WANT to. I probably don’t let them know often enough how grateful I am that they continue to write and share through their blogs. So I made a choice this year to visit those blogs more, but the others — the ones written by people I don’t know and whose values I don’t share (even though I’ve been reading some of them for over 7 years!) — I’m stopping. I already feel a lot more peace.
The other thing — and said this to myself many times — knitting is not my job. I’m not a slave to my Ravelry queue or my fiber stash. I can knit what I want, whenever I want, without explanation whenever the mood strikes me. I do have some deadlines and commitments to knit things as gifts or as part of a group effort, but that’s pure enjoyment. I’m just done feeling guilty (and this is inner guilt — not anything that anybody has imposed upon me). I can CHOOSE to do something about yarn that hasn’t become what I wanted it to be (release it), projects that haven’t turned out the way I wanted (frog them!) or tools that have become redundant (cull!): no more arbitrary rules for my knitting or unproductive goal setting. I’ve already told myself that I can start as many new things as I want to, and it’s interesting that giving myself permission has led to more sensible choices than I thought I would ever make. I will share more about that throughout the year.
I know that this is just a blog and only a tiny glimpse of the person behind it, but thank you for visiting here and leaving comments. So few people blog anymore, but I still value this medium very much and I appreciate you.